It's rubbish anyway

It's already October. I was away for 5 months without any apparent reasons, I never feel the calling to write anything in this blog - like who cares, right? This is one of the saddest reality of our world, it is an innate characteristic that most of us may or not unaware of - selfishness. Also, most of us will pretend to care or really pay attention to something, however most of us a very short attentive span. At one time, we may care for someone, then next moment, we will just forget about that person in an entirety unless that person is someone whom we are closed to. Talking about selfishness, once, I asked a very good friend of mine, if she saw herself as a selfish person or not. She was one of the most neutral person ever I have met in my life, she is quite likeable. Nonetheless, there are times that she was an irksome to me. Sometimes, I would pretend to ignore her, to see how she would react, if she would think of me as one of her good friend as well, but, nah, I am just another name in her list of acquaintance or the very most, I am just her normal companion. I am a very temperamental person, I have drastic mood changes, from one time, I could be a mopey person, but then in the next moment, I would feel like I own this world - but I am not.

"Uranus (not her real name), do you think you are a selfish person?" I asked my friend.
"No." She answered.
Of course, she would deny that she is a self-centred person, and I had known that myself that she is never the one who would always put herself against another human being/living thing. However, I replied to her answer.
"If you are not a selfish person, why would you be here right now? Should not you do something else to help others? Don't you feel guilty with the privileges that you have right now? The fact that you are very much alive and well but some people out there are suffering, and all we can do is just to sympathise with them, and we all move on with our own lives. If someone is really an altruist, he/she would never think twice to even sacrifice his/her life for the good of the world."

We all need to be selfish, in fact, if we are not selfish, we will not be able to be born to this world.
This is the reason why - (READ THIS)!

We are born selfish, but it does not mean that we can always be selfish. However, too much altruism is not good either. It will be perfect to have both characteristic where our selflessness overwhelm our egocentrism.


As usual, I would have a lot of things to say, to write, before I was going to eventually hit the keyboard. And as usual, I really would not have anything left to say when I was finally sitting in front of the desktop. Things were just mild during my brief hiatus - there is nothing worth mentioning for the moment.

It's already the 3rd of May, in less than a few hours it's going to be the 4th of May and I am going to sit for an exam that is going to decide my future - and I am not even ready. I am scared. The most important thing is that - tomorrow I am going to have Maths and Chemistry. I thought I would be prepared but it turns out I was/am dead wrong.

"AKU CUAK WEI" this is what Malay people would probably say if they are in my shoe.

I am so afraid that I am going to do my worst for tomorrow's papers. Those Maths and Chemistry papers carry an immensely heavy weightage of percentage, and now I have a lot of regrets already. I don't even know if my result will satisfy the cut-off points.

I want to do revision of chemistry and Maths but it seems that I have reached my limit and I am writing this to clear up my head.

:) You can do it myself, take a deep breath. Don't sweat it out.


This feels like a joke, I took about 26% of my age figuring out the English translation for 'Nasi Lemak' - obviously, you just cannot translate it just like that or otherwise it will be 'fat rice'. How ridiculous is that?

Nasi Lemak is Nasi Lemak  (pronunciation: nah-see le-muhk)  in English because it is a special name, designated for our most cherished traditional breakfast menu here in Malaysia. The best way to  'translate' Nasi Lemak [nah-see le-muhk] from Malay to English or to any other languages is by describing the savoury delicious cuisine. Use your own imagination to describe how Nasi Lemak will stimulate your taste buds. I am a person who is lacking in her imagination - my fantasies is dearth in creativity. :P

Nonetheless, this is how I will describe Nasi Lemak taste like in my mouth;

Crunchy, spicy of the anchovy paste and the subtle heavenly sweet taste of coconut milk flavoured rice - the combination is just perfect. 
P/S: Lol, this is so ridiculous.

Okay, all said and done, I wish you luck in your English class and I hope that this entry answers your question to "What Nasi Lemak is called in English". ;)

"The Japanese say you have three faces." Is it true?

The first face, you show to the world.
The second face, you show to your close friends and family.
The third face, you never show anyone.
It is the truest reflection of who you are.

Maybe, it is? You only know yourself better than anybody else - your thoughts, weird fetishes (perhaps) and et cetera are all yours.


Love all trust none.

Love all, trust a few, Do wrong to none. Love all, trust a few, Do wrong to none. Love all, trust a few, Do wrong to none. Love all, trust a few, Do wrong to none. Love all, trust a few, Do wrong to none. Love all, trust a few, Do wrong to none.



Technically, you cannot love nor give your affection to everyone. Would you still love someone who had done wrong and immoral things? Would you still be able to pronounce your love to people who had committed atrocities all over the world? If you are able to love them - then, kudos! You are the most amazing person in this world (in terms of either it is a good thing or not, I am not in any position to judge such things.) As for me, I doubt that I would have the strength to love all since to love is to trust, right? What I see is that we love someone/something because we are expecting for some return - be it the love itself or the satisfaction from the love which we had given to. 

 To love is to trust. 
Not all deserve our love. 

Respect all, love the deserving ones, trust a few, do wrong to none.

How to not score in any exam/test.

1) Don't study
2) Keep the answer sheet blank
That's my advice.

Out of all times, I am feeling down for zero obvious reason and contemplating morbid things during mock exam.

A poem

To whom it may concern;
Everything is all yourn.

Tears and blood of others;
Heads unturned.

Intoxicated in your euphoria,
The seeds of hubris,
Seep deep into your blackened heart;
Why won't you open your eyes,
and see the sufferings of the world?


Rolling girl

There 7.4 billions humans here on Earth. I repeat, 7.4 billions! Do you hear me? Nonetheless, some of us are still shunning out each other, facing solitude involuntary, ostracised and ignored by the majority of us - frankly, I, sometimes feel that I am not one of the 'us' thing too. Occasionally, I would wish that I would just fade away and disappear without any traces of my puny existence. Yet, I just could not bear for the twisted wish of mine to be granted - yes, I am a selfish person and I want to live a good life too.

We are everywhere, yet loneliness will still able to get hold of 'us' - the wretched unlucky ones. How can this ever happened? Has egocentrism gobbled us up to the point until everyone will only think about him/herself but not others? We do not want to embrace others because we are putting ourselves ahead from them? It is just tantalising and comedic in the meantime - no one should ever gets left behind, right? With 7.4 billions of us, why do we seem like we are abandoning each other? Are not we supposed to support, respect, and love each other regardless of our diverse backgrounds?

I am so tired with the antics of 'us', waging cretinous wars with bleak outcomes, and so on. I am so exhausted with my exaggerating selfish self even though this problem of mine would never amount to the issues that the world is facing right now.

This is why I want to stop myself.
To stop myself from being a rolling girl.
I do not want to become that rolling girl who is alone and will always resort to escapism as a fairy tale panacea to all of her petty problems.
Everyone is suffering. It is just the matter on how well we manage our hardships, right?


In less than 24 hours, I am going to sit for Chemistry test and I did not study anything that will help me at all. So much for the 'internal' change that is supposed to be fiery inside of me. I have turned into a capricious person, maybe?

Ageing +1


I cannot believe myself that I had let this blog had gone offline without any updates at all for almost three months. I have myriads of things to write yet it would stuck inside of my head. I did not have any strong resolution to spread out of the whats which had kept me in a hectic state of mind until recently. The gap between a year to another year is no longer seems perennial to me. 2015 was a wonderful year, a roller-coaster year. Somehow, the more years added to my age since I am born, those 4-digits number are just losing meaning to me. When I was little, I would really be excessively jubilant over the transition of an 'old' year to a 'new' year. My innocent anticipation to become an 'adult' was at fault. Now, I have beginning to silently condemn the flow of time - how I wish I can stay free without any responsibility. In short, 2016 is just another year, an insignia, a reminder of how many remainders of this transient life. 

Immortality sounds extremely scintillating at this moment for me. Come on! Where are you, vampires! Make me immortal, make me one of your brethren. (Just kidding XD)


It is funny how anime characters are far much more being appreciated by me than those people around me. Unravel - it is my favourite song, a song sang by Tk from Ling Tosite Sigure.

These days, I cannot think straight, my mind is always cloudy, it feels as if my heart has been blinded. I think I need help. I want this insignificant life to end, I feel like I jut want throw it away, but I am afraid of dying, I am tired, I want to be alive. Dear me, please stop complaining.